So I'm sure you're all aware of the big campaign by many rock n roll stars to get Bush out of office and Kerry voted in. Bruce Springsteen wrote a touching piece about how Bush has only lowered taxes for the rich. Because Kerry is scraping the bottom of the economic barrel along with the rest of his impoverished working-class Democrats, just trying to earn a break in this world full of rich, fat-cat Republicans. Oh wait, I'm thinking of the wrong Kerry! The presidential candidate Kerry is in fact not a working-class poor man, but is in fact one of the richest men in the world! And I'm sure Springsteen isn't far behind on the list! So cut the crap about all those pitiful poor people who are left in the dirt by the Republicans. If your heart is so bleeding, why don't you leave your ivory mansions and get in the welfare line! Effing hypocrites.
So I'm reading about all this in Rolling Stone, that venerable hack rag that suckles at the teat of Yellow Dog and hates anything upright and after several pages praising the degenerate rockers who want to keep their immoral interests protected by electing a Democrat, they did offer a small sidebar of three musicians who support Bush. One of whom, Jessica Simpson, isn't even actually an avowed Bush supporter. The other two are Ted Nugent and Gene Simmons. Now I can't say much for the morality of Gene Simmons (there isn't much to speak of), but I'll accept his support nonetheless. And Ted Nugent? Well, he's my hero. Nevermind the fact that his guitar playing outstrips any of his political opponents in talent. He rocks! So I'm going to get together a big concert to rival the Rockers Against Bush tour, and I'm going to have Ted Nugent, and Gene Simmons, and me and my trusty Les Paul, and we're going to take back the rock world! HOOOOOAAWWWW!!!!